When somebody gave me advice that I didn’t ask for, it used to feel like a slap on the face. (I bet you know what I mean.)

Having ideas that go against the grain is hard enough.

But then when people tell you you’re wrong or thinking about things incorrectly, it stings.

Now when people give me unsolicited advice, I’m usually amused.

Because what I know for sure is that if you’re listening to your deep inner wisdom and knowing, you will always make the right decision for you.

Three weeks ago, my husband (N) and I were headed home from a day spent at our favorite nature spot.

It was a really good day. The weather was beautiful, we felt relaxed, happy, and playful, and we were aware of how much we were enjoying each other’s company.

Over dinner, the conversation turned to our upcoming 10th anniversary—how time has flown and how we still can’t get enough of each other. I mentioned to N, “Thank God, I never listened to the unsolicited advice” that came my way when I decided to marry him.

I had different ideas about marriage and romantic relationships than what was popular and didn’t subscribe to common viewpoints on how things should be. My personal philosophy, perspectives, and the way I was choosing to live my life were unsettling for those around me, and most times, these people felt I needed to be corrected in some way.

Hearing other people’s opinions, advice, and thoughts used to fill me with self-doubt. Sometimes these voices would even crowd out my own!

But when it came to marrying my husband, I leaned deeply into my inner wisdom and knowing. And thank god for it! My husband and I have an abundance of love, affection, fun, respect, and more.

I feel lucky to have my husband as my life partner. But I also know that luck had nothing to do with it.

Meeting the right person, taking the decision about what’s right for me, and maintaining a loving, fun, and satisfying partnership is not an accident.

It’s the direct result of cultivating and nurturing a deep trust in my inner wisdom and knowing.

Yet it wasn’t always like this.

People often talk about inner wisdom, inner voice, your knowing, like it’s something that you should just know how to access. But the truth is that as we are growing up, we have so many external messages, voices, and environments that influence us.

So no, it’s usually not that easy to access.

And it was no different for me.

Although I had moments where I could hear my inner wisdom here and there, I didn’t know how to cultivate a constant, clear, steady connection.

I also didn’t always know if I was listening to my inner knowing, or was it just my head?

So after 15 years of studying and training about intuition and shamanic guidance and healing, I’ve learned five keys elements about what it takes to hear your inner knowing clearly.

First, discernment is key.

It’s important to acknowledge that years of conditioning, trauma, wounding, social constructs, and cultural and familial imprinting can masquerade as your inner voice many times. Being aware of this is the first step in discerning if you’re truly tapping into your intuition or something else.

Second, create a sacred container.

Being intentional about listening to your inner wisdom, especially when you’re starting out, is very important. As I mentioned, without awareness and discernment, we may think we are hearing our inner voice/wisdom when, in fact, we are hearing some other part of us.

Clearing your space and having someone hold the ‘container’ for you energetically will help you focus on a clear—or as I like to say ‘un-muddied’—connection to that wise, intuitive part of you.

Third, practice regularly.

Listening clearly to your inner wisdom is somewhat like building a muscle. The more consistently you train and practice, the more strength you’ll develop and maintain. Initially, you’ll go through a bit of trial and error as you learn to truly discern your wise, intuitive knowing from things like wounding, conditioning, constructs, etc. But as you practice, you’ll create a stronger, clearer connection.

Fourth, find someone seasoned to guide you.

As you begin practicing, you may see a picture, you may hear something, get a feeling, or sometimes only get a piece of the wisdom, but you can’t make sense of it.

Intuitive wisdom can often show up in cryptic ways. Initially, we all need help with interpretation to make sense of these messages. Finding the right guide or mentor seasoned in this work can help you figure out what’s being shared.

And fifth, take action on your intuitive knowing.

As much as we’d love to get detailed instructions on the bigger picture and all the steps involved to get us to where we want to go, intuitive wisdom does not work this way. You’ll usually get only as much information as you need for the next step. You need to take action on that step. This will help you build trust and confidence in your inner knowing and allow for the next piece to be shared.

So now that you know the steps, how does having a strong, clear connection to my knowing help me in my marriage?

Well, for one, when I was deciding to get married, if I’d listened to my mind with all it’s objections and worries and to all those offering unsolicited advice, I probably would have said no.

Marrying my husband meant I was committing not only to him but also to a radical change in my lifestyle. This was the polar opposite of my life living alone in NYC, coming and going as I pleased, independent in thought and in every way imaginable. It meant living in India permanently, living in a large, conservative joint family set-up with in-laws, grandparents, uncles, aunts, and cousins, and giving up financial freedom.

My inner wisdom offered me a deep steadiness and sureness that this was my person and that I’d know how to navigate the upcoming changes and challenges without losing who I was or what was important to me.

This same knowing also made it clear that I’d have to keep my values of self-love and freedom front and center in our marriage and pay less attention to typical marriage talk of commitment, compromise, and sacrifice. It meant prioritizing the relationship with myself first and foremost and that a successful relationship with each other filled with integrity and authenticity came before a successful marriage.

Today, in navigating and ensuring we have a loving, fun, satisfying partnership, my intuitive wisdom will nudge me on the things that I need to address or pay attention to before they become bigger issues. It will tell me when to let go of things that really aren’t that important even though my head thinks they are. My inner knowing will tell me what areas need nurturing both in my marriage and within myself.

When it comes to navigating romantic relationships, meeting the right person, and marriage, the beauty of cultivating a strong connection to your inner knowing is that it’s rooted in your most authentic expression of what’s true and aligned for you.

Instead of looking outward for what you want and the life you want to experience, all the guidance you need is within you.

If you’d like to develop a strong, clear, steady connection to your own intuitive guidance, I’d like to invite you to join one of my monthly Women’s Healing and Wellness Circles, where I help you tap into your intuitive wisdom.

The Circle offers a sacred container where I help you practice and offer guidance to interpret what your inner wisdom is sharing with you. Sign up here for updates on when the next Circle is open for registration.

Until next time!

Warmly,